"Good" Friday?

“It is finished.” John 19:30

It was over. All over. Or was it?

Is it just me, or is it pandemic in the season of Lent? I feel stuck in Good Friday. Stuck in the grief, the loss, the fear and the uncertainty. I feel a sense of solidarity when I read about the disciples in the aftermath of Christ’s crucifixion and death.

“When it was the evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews…” John 20:19a

They were sequestered, likely since Jesus’ death. They were participating in their own self-quarantine; sheltering in place against the threat outside. I can imagine the variety of feelings they wrestled with; grief, disillusionment, disappointment, and outright fear. I’m guessing that what we call “Good Friday” didn’t feel good at all! We are told in Luke 23 that the crowds turned home, beating their breasts. Pain, suffering, and loss marked the day.

I wonder what words they used to sustain one another as they hid? What was the waiting like? I can imagine that despair and hopelessness would cover them like a mantle, suffocating. Was it hard to remember his teaching, his signs, and wonders?

We know that they need not despair. We know about Easter. Mary Magdalene brings the message earlier in John 20.

“I have seen the Lord…”

After his resurrection on the first day of the week while the disciples were in hiding:

“…Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’ After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.” John 20:19b & 20

Good Friday is only good in retrospect. Good Friday is only “good” in the light of Easter.

Peace. Peace arrived, not just in the form of a greeting, but in a person, Jesus. It arrived unexpectedly and undeservedly. It also arrived in a new way:

“Jesus said to them again, ‘Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.’ When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” John 20:21 & 22

The presence of the Holy Spirit provides a new way for God and Jesus to be “with.” The Holy Spirit remains even when Jesus ascends into Heaven after 40 days (Acts 1:3).

Jesus’ appearance and promise of the Holy Spirit causes the disciples to rejoice! All hope is not lost. All the pieces are now falling into place. I wonder if in hindsight their despair seems silly. “Of course! He said he would return,” they'd say, slapping their foreheads. The days following likely had many huddling together, remembering times when he foretold of his death and resurrection, and preaching the Gospel to each other in hushed voices.

Waiting

This led to a new season of waiting. In Acts 1, it is reported that Jesus orders them to wait in Jerusalem for the baptizing of the Holy Spirit. This waiting looks much different from waiting behind locked doors. It looks different from fear, despair and doubt. This feels like hope.

“All these [disciples] were constantly devoting themselves to prayer, together…” Acts 1: 14

This was not passive waiting; this was active waiting. A time of preparation for the next course of action.

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” Acts 1:8

How then shall we live?

When we have organized every corner of our home, tired of bread-baking, and the walls seem to be closing in; what will be our active waiting? Perhaps our sources of numbing or coping have dwindled and are less effective. The reality of the states of our relationships, our homes, our checking accounts, our waistlines, and our hearts are brought to the fore.

“You have been forced to enter the empty time. The desire that drove you has relinquished. There is nothing else to do now, but rest and patiently learn to receive the self you have forsaken in the race of days.” -John O’Donohue

Good Friday is only “good” when we look at it through the lens of Jesus’ resurrection. Will we one day be able to look upon these days as “good?” As we sit with God and sift through this common experience of fear, social distancing, sheltering in place and our losses when this pandemic is declared over will we find that our fear, uncertainty, doubt and hopelessness have been transformed?

I believe that we can count our losses and hold that grief, then when lament is done, we can dust off the ashes and notice the life-giving moments in this time. Where did Jesus suddenly appear in our midst and offer peace? It might have been in the kindness of a neighbor, the Zoom meet up with family or friends, the slower pace that allowed for family engagement, or provision for needs when your work was deemed “unessential.”

I wonder what we will choose to take with us and what we will discard when our doors are flung wide and we can greet one another with hugs, handshakes and claps on the back. May we not forget in hope what we learned in despair.